Tuesday, November 09, 2010

In All Honesty

In this blog,I try and give a general "outline" of the events in my life, especially my fiber-related life. It's only been on rare occasions that I've written about more. I have two other blogs, one for Krafti-Kit and one for my consulting practice that is on vacation. In some way, all of these blogs have become somewhat "professional" instead of "confessional". That's been a good thing for me. I'm coming up on my 6 year anniversary for Tea and Knitting. Good thing the title still works for me. There has been little else in terms on consistency in my life, though.

My first post didn't have any photos because I didn't have a camera yet. I was more though about what I was feeling.

Tonight I've just gotten back from a session with a physical therapist/healer. She did some amazing work and I feel so very clear-headed. I have homework. You know, small questions like, "What is my soul's purpose?" When I was in the office, I said I didn't know the answer. Now that I sit down to write this I realize that I do know the answer: To transform the lives of others through accompanying them on a deeper journey.

For me, the next part is to figure out how to be okay with that and what it means for my daily life on this earth. I've decided to put this post out here tonight because I am truly not happy. I am grieving the loss of my friend and business partner, Laura. I am a stranger in a very strange land. I am holding my pain in a place within my body that if I do not let go, I will become sick. I've done that before and it did not go well as a life-plan. Yeah. I feel okay to tell my truth. Life is short.

If you are reading this, I'm sure you can relate. So many of us are struggling to "remember who we are". I am there, with you. I curse my dreams and nightmares every night, but really they do show me what's going on when I need a reminder. Someone did tell me recently that I could tell my dreams that they can stop scaring me. I get it. It actually worked.

And now, if you're still reading this, try and find just one small thing that will make you happy for now, if you're not happy. Or try a little Radical Acceptance and decide that you're fine the way you are. I think I am.


Anonymous said...

Bravo, Melissa. I hope you can find peace and learn to let go of your pain. I can empathize with you on a very deep level, as I too have gone through tremendous loss and held the pain in my heart. It makes you physically sick. It makes your heart sick. And now because of the depth of what I have felt, my emotions know no bounds. I seem to feel other's emotional and physical pain as if it was my own. To protect myself, I withdraw. It's a long journey and I am slowly making my way. I hope you can start to do the same, perhaps sooner than I have.

Diane in Chico said...

My heart aches for your losses.

It jumps for joy thinking of your next phase.

Two sides of the same coin.

Sending you love,

PS: The weird word you have to type in for verification tonight was 'suckbe'.